diff --git a/perl/smack-my-bitch-up.pl b/perl/smack-my-bitch-up.pl
new file mode 100755
index 0000000..4707518
--- /dev/null
+++ b/perl/smack-my-bitch-up.pl
@@ -0,0 +1,72 @@
+#!/usr/bin/perl
+
+use strict;
+use warnings;
+
+use DateTime;
+use SMS::Send;
+use YAML;
+
+# Config
+my $conf = Load( <<'...' );
+---
+phone_numbers:
+  my_number: +15005550006
+  her_number: +xxx
+reasons:
+  - Working hard
+  - Gotta ship this feature
+  - Someone fucked the system again
+...
+
+my $date = DateTime->now;
+
+# Skip on weekends
+if ( $date->day_of_week >= 6 ) {
+    exit;
+}
+
+# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
+open( my $cmd_who, '-|', 'who' ) || die "Cannot pipe who command ". $!;
+
+my @sessions = grep {
+    m/$ENV{'USER'}/
+} <$cmd_who>;
+
+close $cmd_who;
+
+exit if ( scalar( @sessions ) == 0 );
+
+# Load Twilio API config
+open( my $env, '<', '../.env' ) || die "Cannot find .env file in project root.";
+LINE: while ( my $line = <$env> ) {
+    next LINE unless ( $line =~ m/^(TWILIO[^=]+)=(.*)(?:[\n\r]*)/ );
+    $conf->{'env'}->{ $1 } = $2;
+}
+
+close $env;
+
+# Randomize excuse
+my $reason_number = int( rand( scalar( @{ $conf->{'reasons'} } ) ) );
+my $sms_text = "Late at work. ". $conf->{'reasons'}[ $reason_number ];
+
+# Create an object. There are three required values:
+my $sender = SMS::Send->new('Twilio',
+    _accountsid => $conf->{'env'}->{'TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID'},
+    _authtoken  => $conf->{'env'}->{'TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN'},
+    _from       => $conf->{'phone_numbers'}->{'my_number'},
+);
+
+# Send a message to me
+my $sent = $sender->send_sms(
+    text => $sms_text,
+    to   => $conf->{'phone_numbers'}->{'her_number'},
+);
+
+# Did it send?
+if ( $sent ) {
+    print "Sent message.\n";
+} else {
+    print "Message failed.\n";
+}
+