#!/usr/bin/env php load(); (strpos(exec('who'), getenv('USER')) === false) or exit('session found'); $my_number = '+xxx'; $number_of_boss = '+xxx'; $excuse = ['Locked out', 'Pipes broke', 'Food poisoning', 'Not feeling well']; $excuse = $excuse[array_rand($excuse)]; $twilio = new Services_Twilio(getenv('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID'), getenv('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN')); $twilio->account->messages->sendMessage( $my_number, $number_of_boss, "Gonna work from home. {$excuse}" ); echo "Message sent at: #".date('Y-m-d')." | Excuse: {$excuse}";