#!/usr/bin/env php load(); (strpos(exec('who'), getenv('USER')) !== false) or exit('no session'); // Phone numbers $my_number = '+xxx'; $her_number = '+xxx'; $reasons = [ 'Working hard', 'Gotta ship this feature', 'Someone fucked up the system again' ]; $rand = rand(0,count($reasons)-1); $random_reason = $reasons[$rand]; $message = 'Late at work. '.$random_reason; // Send a text message $twilio = new Services_Twilio(getenv('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID'), getenv('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN')); $twilio->account->messages->sendMessage( $my_number, $her_number, $message ); echo 'Message sent at: #'.date('Y-m-d').' | Reason: '.$random_reason;